To those who have been trained by it...

Seeing in the eyes of my children what they really think when they are about to receive a chastisement clearly illustrates what was going on inside when things were not working out for me - even though I was serving God with my hands and mouth. My service was without heart. Or, at least with such a weakness of heart so as not to matter. The desires of my spirit were not to seek after God directly but to get what God could give me. Like the child who only obeys because there is a cookie at the successful completion of a task, I went about the efforts of worship both in private and in leading my family. This falsehood deserved chastening and it took a lot of it before He decided to point out to me what was wrong. Piling on top of that, my reaction to His discipline ALSO was full of sin and bad attitude.

So, though my first issue was the self-serving offerings, my second was the depth with which I despised God's righteous punishment. Praise to God that He chose to point me to a key to understand this aspect of my sin the same day He taught me about defiled offerings.

God used a dear brother's lesson and a Sunday afternoon conversation to enlighten me with his Word. A longer passage, here - Hebrews 12:3-11

"3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:

“ My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
6 For whom the LORD loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.”

7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

My paraphrase, with input from another couple of places in scripture, "If you really are a Christian, shut up and take your chastening with an open heart because it is for your good and My glory."

Okay - so, we've got bad offerings. We've received righteous punishment sinfully. Great. Let's repent and move on. The thing was, my lesson was not over. I heard the "don't do this!" side but was missing the opposite.

What's the right way to worship? How should I serve?