I thought I was seeking first the Kingdom in the right way. I was reading the Word and praying. I was more consistent in family devotions (every day). I was doing my extra reading for Elder Discipleship (building the necessary theological and pastoral muscles to confidently lead a church someday) and stepping away from doing some of the other stuff that just wasted time. I was putting the time in.
Unfortunately, however much I sought, the "added unto" didn't seem to be following. In fact, what seemed to be getting added was trial and difficulty in the form of sickness (in the whole family - the kinds that lasted weeks, not days) disappointment (job possibilities that from the world's perspective should have blossomed but never even sprouted) and fear (yes, it has to do with the blessing of new life in our family). So, I tried harder to stick with the regimen. The trials increased. People close to me sinned against me. So, I tried harder.
Then, I quit.
Fine. God's not paying me off so, why should I even try anymore? Why, I thought, was this happening when I was trying so hard to serve? How could I be paying more dues than ever and still not be "added unto"? What was wrong with God? I didn't remember it at the time but Malachi pointed out to the people the same thing I was doing (Malachi 3:14) "You have said, ‘It is useless to serve God; what profit is it that we have kept His ordinance, and that we have walked as mourners before the LORD of hosts?"
It took a while and some pain before I saw the error. Not the most fun of times, those months. But, then again, the most glorious times I was blessed to see because of the training inherent in them. The absolute best times for my family and me "For whom the LORD loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives".
What was my problem? I believe the core can be found in Malachi as well.
My offerings were defiled.
More to come.
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